I suppose you remember how last year began: Even before the cancer diagnosis, the year had already started off on the wrong foot. The relationship I was in at the beginning of 2013 quickly turned to hell, and I was still reeling from that when the other shoe dropped. The doctor called and asked, “Is this a good time?” You know most of the rest since you have been following along with me on this journey. But now it is time for me to let you know where I am with that broken relationship.

Sometimes it takes the heart and the head a while to get on the same page. But guess what? I think that time has come. It is funny how you can lie to yourself and trick yourself into believing things that aren’t true. I made a mistake – a big one – and I knew it the whole time. I had even discussed this fact with my therapist and my dear friend Kim. But I convinced myself – talked myself into something that I knew was not right for me.

There are a few lines in the song, “Somebody That I Used to Know” by Gotye that I love.

“Told myself that you were right for me.
But felt so lonely in your company.”
And
“Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I’d done.”

This is the way I felt from the very beginning. So why did I keep pushing it? I think I truly didn’t think very much of myself. Once the cancer diagnosis came and I realized how precious life is, I started to feel like my life is important and that I need to take care of myself and stop taking care of others. Life is way too short to be with someone who does not value you as a partner or even as a person.

It has been almost a year since this relationship ended and I can say that I was truly lucky to get out of it with no more damage than I had. I am looking to 2014 as a year of renewed personal growth and a year of continuing this journey to my new self. If that journey happens to include someone special that will be great, but if not, I am okay with that also. I really am starting to enjoy my own company!