So that’s it. I am done. Surgery, chemo, and radiation behind me now. I noticed the lump in my breast in late January, was diagnosed on March 15, had surgery in April, and four chemo treatments and 36 radiation treatments later, how do I feel???  Empty. Sad. Tired. Alone.

As my friend Sandy has said, I was on the cancer treatment conveyor belt and now I have been dumped off at the end of the line. It really is hard to know how I truly feel. All this time I’ve been surrounded by doctors, nurses, technicians, family, and friends, all working toward one goal: to rid my body of cancer. Hopefully, it has worked – time will tell.

My friend Lorene met me at radiation this morning. It was hard saying goodbye to the wonderful women who have helped me through my treatments. They have been so supportive and kind. Once I finished my treatment, I had Lorene take a photo of me with these women. I will cherish this photo because this experience has been so meaningful to me. I have seen these same women five days a week for a total of 36 treatments; you cannot help but form a bond.

After radiation, guess what I did? You guessed it – I went for a walk in the park. It was beautiful as always and again I could not help myself; I had to take some photos. Lorene took a photo of me kissing that big beautiful oak tree. I will miss my walks in that park but I will visit it again when I need to find some peace.

After the park we went to Ike and Jane’s. This is the little coffee shop where Beth and I went a couple of times after radiation. This is what I had planned to do on my last day: walk in the park because of the connection I have there, then go to the coffee shop because of the good memories and conversations Beth and I shared there. When I opened my card this morning, Beth had included a gift card to Ike and Jane’s. Isn’t that great???  I could not believe it, but I guess heart friends know each other well.

I have my sixth-month follow-up mammogram on Monday. I am scared, but I cannot image that any cancer cell could have survived this barrage of toxic chemicals and x-ray beams. I will be glad to get this first follow-up out of the way; then I will have mammograms every six months for the next two years. I have always felt a little nervous before my annual mammogram so I guess I should expect to have anxiety for these follow-up mammograms. I think I will always have this little fear in my head that it might come back. I don’t think that fear will go away, but I can and will live with it.

The first nine-and-a-half months of this year have really forced me to take a good long look at myself and my life. I am still trying to get my feet under me and to walk into each day with this new outlook on life. Even though I feel scared, sad, tired, and alone, I know those feelings will begin to fade over the next few weeks. I will be able to look forward to the new adventures that lie ahead.

I want to thank each one of you for reading this blog. Thanks for all the wonderful comments and support you have given me. You held me up when I was weak. You gave me courage when I was afraid. You showed me love when I felt unlovable. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!