Back at Northeast Georgia Cancer Care for a follow-up appointment with Dr. Nick. I can’t help it – I still get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when I turn into the parking lot. I love the people here. Both receptionists greeted me and said, “It’s been a long time. How’ve you been?” One commented that I might need a comb soon. So it’s not the people or the building; I think it’s the fear of one day being back here for treatment. I am not going to live my life in fear, but I’m not going to lie: It is still in my mind.

The waiting room is fairly empty today but the parking lot is full, which means a lot of people are back in the treatment area getting chemo. It is so unreal being here and hearing Christmas music piped in. In fact, it is freaking me out to hear, “As the merry bells keep ringing . . . Happy Holidays to you!” Really???? I don’t know that I have ever really heard the music playing in here before, but today it is all I hear.

So now I’m thinking about the holidays and the meaning behind this time of year. I am grateful that I am cancer free and able to be healthy now. And then there is that music again. “Simply having a wonderful Christmas time . . . ” Thank God – Dr. Nick finally makes it to the exam room and I no longer hear the music.

Everything looks good. White blood cell count is still low but doesn’t concern him. I should just continue with all my follow-up appointments and mammograms. I will see him every six months for the next three years, then annually for the remaining seven. Then he looks at me and says, “Unless, God forbid, it comes back.” Yeah, exactly. God forbid.

I leave Cancer Care and head to Ike and Jane’s to meet Beth for lunch. We both had follow-up appointments today and it was a real treat to get to see her. It feels good to know that we will continue to support each other. I can look at her and say, “I am still scared,” and she knows exactly what I mean. She does not say, “You just need to be grateful,” or “It is not going to come back,” or anything else. She just understands, and that is comforting.

This year has been a tough one for me but it is drawing to a close. I am looking forward to a new year and am excited about the possibilities. I have learned so much this year, and I thank you for letting me share this journey with you. You watched me don my armor and battle; then you picked me up, repaired my armor, and gave me the strength to keep fighting.

I know I have said this before, but it bears repeating. I would not wish this disease on anyone, but it has been a true blessing for me. I have learned lessons that only an experience like this can teach you. I have gained friends I never would have known. This experience has already taken me to places I have never been before, and I believe this is just the beginning.

All of you are amazing – your support has been unending. Thank you for giving me wings to fly! Love you all!