Okay, I think it is about time for a little humor, so I have three stories I want to tell you. I hope you will find a little humor in all of them. I have spent time laughing at them with a few people, and each time I tell these stories I am told, “You have to put that in the blog.” So here goes . . .

The first is an update on the sweet little cutie pie I found on my walk in the park. After three baths, I think we finally have the flea problem under control. He grows sweeter with each passing day. I told you that when I found him he was wearing a collar with a tag that had the name Lucy on it. But when I talked to the owner she said his name was Sammy. Well, I had already named him Freddie, for Freddie the Freeloader. Some of you younger folks might not be familiar with Freddie the Freeloader, but he was a character that Red Skelton played. If you just want to laugh at some good clean humor, google Freddie the Freeloader. I am sure it will bring a smile to your face.

The second story begins with my trip to WalMart yesterday. I needed some things from WalMart and since it has been a long time since I’ve been in there, I was like a tourist in New York: eyes wide open, looking at all the things I have missed. So of course the idea of just running in and grabbing bleach and baking soda was out the window. I wandered around the store, putting things in my basket that I really didn’t need. I found my way to the art section; they have some art canvases and since I have started painting, I put some in the basket.

While I was on this aisle, a mother and a little boy came around the corner and were facing me. The little boy looked at me and started to say something. His mother turned to him and said, “You better not.” I looked at him; he was probably 5 or 6. He had the best smile and a sparkle in his eye, and I could just see the mischief oozing out of him. He had short black hair, shaved closer than a crew cut. He looked at his mom – her back was turned. Then he looked at me and said, “Your momma – Your daddy – Your bald-headed baby.”

He just laughed and so did I. His mother was mortified. “I am sorry – they have been saying that at school.” I looked at him and said, “I think I probably have more hair than you do.” He started laughing and we just smiled at each other. As they were walking off, again I said, “I really think I have more hair than you do.” To which his mother again apologized. I said, “No problem.” I have been laughing ever since at that little fellow. I called Kim on the way home from WalMart and told her the story, and we laughed until I had tears running down my cheeks.

Kids are great. They don’t have any restrictions; they are just honest and sometimes they tell it like it is. One day I noticed a little girl looking at me as I was walking out of Menchie’s, so I said hello to her. She looked at me and said, “Are you a girl?”  I said, “Yes, and my hair was longer than yours at one time.”  These things do not bother me; in fact they make me smile. And I think it is healthy to have one of those belly laughs every now and then.

Okay, so here is the third story. If you have been reading my blog, you know that I have three goats, who I bottle-fed since they were days old. They are more like dogs than goats. They follow me around the yard and I love them.

When I decided to get goats, I wanted male goats but not billy goats. So the woman I purchased them from used the Burdizzo method to neuter my boys. Not to get too involved, but this method uses a clamp to break the blood vessels that run to the testicles. However, unfortunately for me and the boys, it did not work. So at a year and a half, I have these goats and now they are starting to display the behavior of intact male goats. I don’t know if you have ever been around billy goats, but they smell horrible. That is why I wanted these guys neutered early.

So for the last few weeks, I wake up and go to sleep listening to two of the guys butting heads. Which isn’t so bad – but there are other behaviors that are not very charming. If you are not familiar with livestock, sometimes they do things that are pretty unattractive. Well, billy goats like to pee on their face and their beards. I guess female goats find this to be a turn-on, but I find it to be totally gross. There are other behaviors I could describe, but I don’t think they’re appropriate for the blog. In any case, I think Javier and Honey Badger are competing for Tupelo’s affection. Tupelo is not impressed and neither am I.

So it is time for a vet visit, which means loading up all three goats to take them to the vet. I had an appointment scheduled for this morning. I called and asked several friends if they could help me get them to the vet, but Kim was rescuing kittens, Lorene was keeping her grandkids, and Sylvia had to work. So it was up to me. Who needs any stinking help anyway?

I put an extra-large dog crate in the back of my Ford Focus station wagon. I decided to take the Focus instead of the Ford Ranger because I figured lifting them into the car would be easier. Well, the crate was not going to happen. I could not get them in the crate in the back of the car – so out came the crate. I pulled out the carpet from the back of the car, grabbed a little sweet feed, and put it in the car. All three goats gladly jumped into the back and I closed the hatch. Success! Except I forgot something in the house and had to run back inside. When I got back to the car, Javier was in the front seat. You have to understand, I don’t have dwarf goats; they are full sized. I had to push him back between the front two seats and into the back. Now success.

Can you imagine what you would think if you saw a bald-headed woman with three goats in the back of her car driving down the road?? Javier was his usual self, head stuck between the two seats, aggravating me as I tried to drive. The other two decided to lie down, but not Javier.

We finally made it to the vet’s office and I said to the staff there, “Okay, go ahead and laugh at the redneck woman who hauls goats in the back of her car.”  One of them responded, “We laugh at you anyway.” We got the boys out and started leading them into the clinic. At this point, Honey Badger decided he would do anything necessary to hold onto the last shred of his manhood. He would not walk. He planted his front feet firmly and simply would not take a step. I had to push him all the way down the hall into the kennel.

The goats spent most of the day at the vet; at the end of the day I picked them up and brought them home. On the ride back to the house, Javier stood up the whole trip again – but this time with his butt toward me. I guess that was his way of telling me what he thought of today’s adventure.

I hope you were able to find some humor in these stories. I have laughed and cried while writing this post. It is strange how closely laughter and tears are bound. If you are like me, I’m sure that you have been laughing at something and then, suddenly, the tears start flowing. That is exactly how my days have been for the last few weeks; my laughter has been tinged with the bitterness of reality. I love to laugh and I have been told that I have a great laugh. But it seems like such a long time since the laughter has totally filled my heart and soul.

Tomorrow is my last day of treatment. I thought I would be excited and happy about it, but I really don’t know how I feel. Scared?? Yes. Excited?? Yes. Looking forward to it? Yes and no. I have my follow-up mammogram next Monday, so there’s a big lump in my heart and throat. I am just trying to walk this path – with love in my heart, a twinkle in my eyes, and a smile on my face – because I have all of you.